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Jimmy Warner's


Internet Poetry Zine, Richmond, VA

challenging, edgy, twisty, turny writing for the should-ought-a-be's

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APRIL 2012
National Poetry Month

Another Splotched Ink Poetry Session

index revised: things I didn't write (2001)

 (Interactive research material for people who have never written a poem
 and maybe shouldn't. The links (to be added) will take you to something similar  that I did write. More links are being added as NaPoMo progresses.)

  Brought to you by Tech-Wad Prophesy...
  When you need a
predictable outcome.

 Things you or I may or may not write about this year include:

 The Doomsday News:
           Official news will rely entirely on rumor and innuendo.
           Just another Y2K day in paradise.
            How's your climate theory coming along?
            Did someone yell fire in the global theater?
            Swamp land will be more valuable after the catastrophe.

            Everything's going to change, even the desert. 
            Cash now, Mac, credit has no future.
            In utopia you won't need money, just guts, drive and looks.
            These glasses will help you see what's coming. 
            I hear God will take over the Internet.
            World peace could be the next new technology.
            So, this is 2012, I can't believe it, it's 2012!
            Have you bought your early winter ascension outfit?
            There's a sale at Gown and Raiment, 20%off!
            I heard there'll be nothin' but fish and rice.
            If history comes to an end will we be tested on it.
            Are you prepared for polyphiloprogenitive take over? 
            What if there's no more toilet paper?
            What do you call it when everybody shows up and does
              something weird?   The rapture.
            The next war will be fought over mystics and women.
            Let's party like it's fifth night before Xmas
            ...and now, for the blurred, jumpy phone-cam news
            Y'know, I'm twenty-twelved out, give it a rest, huh?
            How do you go on after you thought it wouldn't?
            First, you get over your hangover.
            Could you get online, today?
            Hey, turn that down, we're trying to ascend in here.

 Shows we'd like to see:
            Storm Watching
            Big Bong Years
            Flip This
            I Used To Be In The Band
            Unsold Mysteries
            A Hauling
            Photo Shopped Dating
            Re-run of the Dead
            Haunted House Jackpot
            Ghost Grabbers
            Hoards: Garbage Bullies
            Campus 3D
            Healthy Release Video
            Storage Bust
            Mega Re-matches
            Kitchen Pandemonium
            Two and a Half Quatrains
            Cavalcade of Lonesome Lyricists
            Sketching with Both Hands
            Internet  Anatomy Explorer
            One's Trunk is Another's Booty
            Steam Bag Round the Bend
            Cougars Gone Wild
            The Screaming Show

 Scandalous Shows:
             Belly Button Makeover
             Perfect Snorkel
             Broken Heart Litigants
             Ponzi Scum
             Love Crazed Chair Throwing
             Palming Aces
             Knuckle Tasting
             Rash in my Mustache
             Good Lookin' Cookin'
             Turn Junk into Crap
             What's Your Hobby?
             Pranks Gone Terribly Wrong
             Fric and Frac on Medication
             Dueling for Doughnuts
             Coupon Clipping Over the Edge
             Extreme Dumpster Adventure
             Catastrodamus Global Market Effects

             Green is actually a color
             Accent the glycemic revolution
             Conspicuous Ostentation
             Overlapping Burlap and Muslin         
             Getting Married at the local Slurp and Burp 
             LL Banana
             Multi-trillion-dollar yard sale
             Wrapped in mantles of grandeur (Ed Rollins)
             Dress for Middle-age Morality
             Just get dressed

 National Months:
            Lose the Caboose Month
            Throw It Out Month
             Keep It In Your Pocket Month
             Take A Different Tact Month
             Back Up Slowly Month
             Cold Case of Beer Month
             Recycle Hair Clippings Month
             Life's a Bleep Month
             Vocative Correctness, like wow Month
             Chill Month
 Occupy This / Catchy Slogans:
              Get rid of all your money
              Throw gold coins in the fountain
              Occupy Ghost Towns
              More Teachers than students
              Associate new facts with old facts
              Forget old facts
              Don't invest in other people's pockets
              The Brain Wreck Old 99
              The China Solyndrome
              Prevent Global Chocolate Meltdown  
              Get Back Under the Bus
  my hero
 Three Most Important things:
              Cookies, Milk and your insignificant other.
              What you want, where to get it, how to download
              What you want, when it's ready, how to beg
              Forgiveness, banishment, disguises
              Live for yourself, create allure, learn to fight
              Captain Tony: looks, ego, sex drive
              Churchill: beaches, fields, rubble  
              Face Book: Pets, Pix, Snacks
              New Poets: Rhyme, Reason, Boogie
              The New Oil: Solar, Wind, Geo-Thermal
              Energy Crisis: Rowers, Pull Gangs and Van Chairs
              Unemployment: Rowers, Pull Gangs and Van Chairs
              The New Recognition: Shame, Glory, Success
 New National day of:
              Local Goddess Appreciation
              Thanks Pizza Day
               Anatomy Day
               Wild Hair Day
               Randomness Day
               National Phone Off Day
               No Advertising Day
               Doom and Gloom Observance Day
               Tantric Sax Day
               Darwin Awards Day
               Day of Moaning
 Self Help Books:
               Be Ignored by Feigning Emptiness
               Learning to Fly without Going Fowl
               St. John's Wort: Reversing Negativity
               Overcoming Dork-wadiness
               Perfecting an Alien Invader Calm
               The Art of Dressing Down
               Heartbreak of E-mail Rejection
               Flooding: Patterns of Denial
               Return to Make-believe
               Dealing with off-world conspiracy
               Don't Look at me Like I'm Texture
               Grow Your Own Cosmetics
               Grouping Off Grid
               Learning to be Mental Retentive
               Cure Sick Buildings with Dirt
               Getting Rid of Junk Thought
               The New Degeneration
               Empires for Dolts
               Leaving Pizza
               I am NOT my E-mail
               Improve Your Thousand Yard Stare
               Importance of Shoe Waving
               Learning to Say "Illogical"
               Perfecting the Perfect Re-gift
               Tooting Your Own Whistle
               Store Requirements: Shirt, Shoes, Dead Calm
               Sleep Hygiene: What if the TV is for sex?
               How to Live with Doomsday Predictions

 Social Documentaries:
               The Uterus and Male Stupidity (part 1, Greeks)
               The Uterus and Male Stupidity (part 2, Victorians)
               The Uterus and Male Stupidity (part 3, Surgeons)

               Negative Emotions: Trillion Dollar Industry
               Scratch and Sniff, the First Language
               G Summits, a No Exit Existentialism
               Exploring "uh", the Power-up Reset Response
               Suspended Judgment, the Story of Hmmm
               Public Demeanor: Taking the Cake of
                   Self-humiliation to the Bakery Shop Window
               Tales of the Shameful and Glorious 
               If Men Gave Birth (caution, graphic imagery)
               Welcoming the Next Billion Newcomers
 Eclectic Interest:
               The End of Gold
               Who Killed the Flying Car?
               Inside the Drafting Room (viewer discretion)       
               Interview with Buttinski (a screaming show)
               Never Ending Days: Defensive Witnesses
               End of Days: What Next?
               Un Who? 
               Hu is a Chinese name. 

                Galactic Antacid: End Black Hole Lens Effect Phobia. 
                                            Live long and Perseverate!


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