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Virginia Poet,
Jimmy Warner's


Internet Poetry Zine, Richmond, VA

challenging, edgy, twisty, turny writing for the should-ought-a-be's

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© 2013


APRIL 2013
National Poetry Month

Another Sprawled Ink Poetry Session

index revised: things I didn't write (2001)

 (Interactive research material for people who have never written a poem
 and maybe shouldn't. The links (to be added) will take you to something
 similar that I did write. More links are being added as NaPoMo progresses.)

  Brought to you by Solar Wind Prospects
  When you need a deniable income.

 Things you or I may or may not write about this year include:

 Doomsday News 2013
           The Doomsday News 2012
           Behold, the rise of Budget Rent-a-Cliff
           Official news will rely entirely on drought reports
           Corn will become the new currency
           Gas tanks will now require refrigeration units
           Are the warm colder than the hot?
           A peek at the after-party for Vein Dark Thirty
           Academy gone wild - Vain Dark Dirty
           3 lb egg plant mistaken for intelligent life form
           High winds whip Wankacheek Beach
           Mass hormonal ejection detected in population
           Ancient Astronaut found flash frozen in spinach
           Attempts to save earth bungled by the Kshlem
           Remember the Mayan Twinkie Date Extinction
           Comets, Meteors and Rocks, Oh My
           The Fuzzy Pink Line of Death

 Shows we'd like to see:
            Know the Shoutin' (not a screaming show)
            Steamer Bag Off-Road Adventures
            Quantum Hic-up Special, a screaming show
            Step-science, brought to you in Simul-Touch  
            World Expo: The Paraverse and the Haplessphere.   
            Bible code hackers, Revelations chapter, verse... 
            Keeping up with the Droneses 
            Charity Game Show: Name That Disorder
        Better Names for Disasters, Cruella, Borgia, Caligula 

 Scandalous Shows:
             Catastrophic inventions with unintended results
Spraying the Nile and other steamy valleys
             Rouletta Stoned: a marijuana game show
             Exposing your alligator pear shapes
             Labor saving disasters and other intelligent designs
             Brady Hair Bunch: ssn1. ep1, Girl School Dress Code
             Nesting on the Cliff: Diving on Thermals
             Dial-a-Drone: Turn in your neighbors
             You Asked For It, Simul-Tease Downloads

            Beyond this point you will be scanned for guns, drugs
              and fake IDs 
            Large sums of cash are considered to be contraband
            The drones are watching
            Thermos Bottles will be Tested for Radiation
             Remove all jewelry, piercings and metallic paint
             Turn off All Simul-teasers and Stim Jewels
             Bar-coded individuals may proceed to next station
             Media will be searched for politically viral content  
             No bull shit allowed on plane (B. S. Alert)

            The trees are watching
            Chase Naked, the Dirty Laundry Banking Debacle
            Down with Yuppie Nazis 
            Omni Viral Content You Can Use
            The Rise of Hokey Data Loads in Western Downfall
            Museum Raves: The Huckleberry Yogurt Collection

            Scanning for Guns, Diamonds and Pizza
            Hypervigilance: Things that Stick Out in Crowds
            Trolling for Belly Laughter with your Belly 
            The partial nudity statement
            Painting yourself with pigmented sunscreen media
            Tattoo Revolution, Skin Gone Wild
            Piercing the truth
            Going Down on Beauty
            Dress for Camouflage
            Gather round the deflecting pool
            Match your genetic wits 
            Gene Tagging your accessories 
            Strap on your deep heartfelt  platitudes
            Second Amendment Badges and Medallions
            Anti-Second Amendment wear
            "I Am A Genetic Experiment" T-Shirt
 Experimental Films:
             Slidenaphilia VS Tadalafilmore
             Suitcase Sanctions
             Files from the Akashic Multiverse
             Excuse My Upload
             Why do Nasonex bees have Spanish accents?
             Tracing Ancestral Knuckle Drag

 National Months:
            Man Cave Month
            13, The No-Name Month
            Invent-a-Month Month
            Viewer Non-Discretion Month
            Tell Me Where It Hurts Month
            Save a Bee (declare a no swat zone)
            Show Off Your Inner Joyride Month
            Don't Bother Your Doctor Month
            Buttercups Don't Smell Month
 New National day of:
             Grow Light Pharmaceuticals
             Work Hard, Smell Hard
             Back Bitten Unite!
             Bursting Trial and Error Balloons
             Akashic Record Breaking
             Going Without a Dinner
             Skin-tag: At Your Physical Fitness Club
             H. O. D. Day: Hugs On Demand
             B. L. O. D. Day: Belly Laughs On Demand
 Vatican Humor:
            The Yoke's on us
             Leo VII, fashion statement, eyeball roll...
             Gregorian Chances (a since-1425 update)
             Out of Africa! (shucks, no black Pope)
             Catch up on Vatican Retirement Policy
             Popes gone wild (the reign of ho's)
             What if Bunga Bunga Returns?
             Kiss my foot

 Self Help Books:
             How to Be Ignored by the Media, Do What I Do
             Hiding Your Income, Oil, Gas, Info, Marriage, and Kids
             Hiding Everything for Dolts
             Hiding Everything FROM Dolts for Dolts
             Hiding Everything BUT Dolts From Dolts for Dolts
             Understanding Chaos for Fun and Profit
             Laugh til it Hurts, Ache til it Pays Off
             Poisoning Natural Processes for Dolts
             April: Understanding the Cruelest Month
             The Harem Fool's Cliff-Notes 
             Harem Fool Survivor Preppers 
             Political Correctness Over the Edge
             Indelible Thought: Office computer gone wild
(Originally Pub. September 1994, Indelible Ink, Chicago, IL)
             Confusion is the most widely used therapy 
             Repelling Fiscal Cliffs Made E-Z
             Secret Dodge: Journey to hidden incomes
             Download your inner tease 
             Lucid Journaling
             Coping with Body-Part Humor
             Crisis MFG. Co. Tour Guide and Regulation Handbook
             Sequestermageddon: cliff notes synopsis

 New Slogans:
             Paint it Pink
             They Were Not My Guns
             Tis better to raise than conceive
             Fix First, Demolish Later
             Rate My Bang, Not My Buck
             Scroogle This
             Love me, love my data
             Support Local Witches
             No Stingers On Me
             Bite My Drone
             Cyber Attackers Will Be Deleted

 Social Documentaries:
            Cruise to Noro (now on viral video)
             Welcoming the Next Billion Served
             Roller-Hordes Invade Communities
             Flash Mobs: Futile Resistance for Dolts
             The Grinding War Boondoggle
             Borders Without Boots
             Junk Pile at the Back of the Rainbow
Eclectic Interest:
             Ancient Saxophone Theory
             SCRUNT, phone service on the down low
             Greengasm: a Feel-X-Change Program for the Prodigal
             Exploring Jugular Darkness on Trombone
             Handling the Single Event Trend
             When I Grew Up: Owning Your Head-Trip
             Isolated Food: Chicken Wire Drugs and Craves

  Galactic Obsession: 
               Live long and Don't Milk Your Way to Happiness!


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